Goodbye Dysfunction! » Celebrity Sex

Why Does My Wife HATE Megan Fox?

andrew — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 18:31:32 +0000

The Radiant Megan Fox

The other night, I’m lying in bed reading a book and my wife is next to me watching The Tonight Show, half asleep, when Conan O’Brien says two words that really tick off my wife…Megan Fox.

My wife immediately perks up and begins telling me how much she can’t stand Megan Fox. I close my book just in time to see the glorious Megan sit down next to Conan. She’s radiant, has an incredible body, is witty enough to make Conan laugh and fawn all over her and she’s wearing an amazing skintight dress. Now my wife is fuming. She’s begins slamming Conan for flirting and I remind her that it’s his job to flirt with and talk to Megan Fox…. she’s a guest on his TALK SHOW! What’s he supposed to do, ignore her?

My wife seems offended and dumbfounded that I could find the hottest starlet in Hollywood attractive, so she abruptly ends her assault on me, Conan and Megan by switching off the light, turning over and going to bed. Wait, what just happened? Why does my wife hate Megan Fox so much?

Over the next couple of days I asked quite a few women what they thought about Ms Fox and guess what, not one of them liked her. What is it about Megan Fox that elicits such a strong negative response from females? Women don’t seem to hate Scarlett Johannsen or Cameron Diaz or Jennifer Aniston or Shakira or Jessica Biel or Hillary Duff or Jessica Simpson or the Olson twins, right? Is it because she’s s everywhere; the cover of tabloids, profiled in most major magazines, about to host Saturday Night Live?

If you search her name online you’ll find over thirty four million entries. Her legs have over a million entries and her breasts almost eight hundred thousand! So is the disdain toward Megan from my wife and most women due to jealousy or is it something bigger? I searched for clues in interviews she’d given. In June Megan told Entertainment Weekly, “I come across as confident and [

women] assume that means that I think I’m hot s*#t. And that makes them feel bad about themselves and so they hate me.” She also told them-”I’m smart and I can be really funny and interesting and I can go toe-to-toe with anybody in a conversation.” She let FHM magazine know-”I really enjoy having sex, and that’s offensive to some people. Women are the quickest to call other women sluts, which is sad. I haven’t met a lot of men who’ve said, ‘You like having sex? What a dirty whore you are!’ That’s because they wish their wives or girlfriends would have more sex with them.”

Okay, I was beginning to understand how females could dislike this global phenomenon. And the luscious Miss Fox had become internationally famous by being in only two major films, neither of which required much acting? Plus Megan doesn’t mind talking about her sexuality and in her latest film Megan makes out with another woman and she looks like she really enjoys it.

Yeah, that’s why my wife is so venomous every time she sees Megan Fox. It’s also the reason my thirteen year old son and his friends think she’s, “hot”, “awesome” and “a freak of nature…and not in a bad way.” I’m pretty sure he and his friends are among the millions of males who Google Megan Fox’s body parts. I only hope my wife never catches him.

The Susan Boyle “I’m No Longer a Virgin” Countdown Clock Has Begun.

andrew — Tue, 12 May 2009 19:50:24 +0000

Susan Boyle as the 40 Year Old Virgin

Susan Boyle may be the only person who didn’t realize that “40 Year Old Virigin” was a comedy.

So you know who Susan Boyle is, right? She’s the frumpy, 47 year old virgin and singing sensation from England whose appearance on Britain’s Got Talent got her over 30 million hits on You Tube.

She’s been written about and her picture has been in every major magazine and newspaper including the Sunday New York Times. She has popped up on many of the major morning shows and on most of the entertainment shows.

She’s had a bit of a makeover, and now that she’s famous it’s about to happen…it’s got to happen…but when? She doesn’t need to join Facebook or eHarmony. With all the exposure and an estimated 3.3 billion men on the planet there’s got to be more than a handful of guys who’ve seen her and find her hot.

My friend Marvin is convinced she’ll find Mr. Right and get naked with him before the end of summer, around Labor Day weekend.

I’m guessing that it will be more of a year end, Christmas kind of thing.

What do you think? Will Susan Boyle still be a virgin at age 48 or has the countdown clock begun?

Mel Gibson’s Divorce: The Big Secret?

andrew — Thu, 23 Apr 2009 17:59:17 +0000

Robyn Gibson, Mel’s wife for over 28 years, just filed for divorce. The press has been speculating that Mel was seeing Oksana Grigorieva, a singer signed to Mel Gibson’s record label.

He thought he could keep it secret?

True or not, here’s my question. How does anyone famous, I mean really famous, think that they’re able to date someone on the side?

I mean, if someone famous slept with me … as soon as they left and got into their car … Bam! I’d be on the phone to my brother, my friends Neal, Jason, Chris and Cameron and probably my neighbor Rob.

I’d probably be so jazzed I’d try to call them before she left, like while she was in the bathroom or dozing off. And hey, I’m discreet!

Wait. Mel Gibson has a record label?

Phil Spector Is Headed Up The River

andrew — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 22:29:29 +0000

Do you believe Phil Spector was finally found guilty?

Are there conjugal visits in his future?

Well he supposedly said to his driver, “I think I shot somebody”. I guess the jury at his first trial didn’t think an actual admission of guilt should count against him.

Now I’m waiting to see what he looks like without the big, fake, crazy person hair. Think the young wife will stand by her man when she sees him bald?

Think conjugal visit sex is even hotter than makeup sex? I really hope I never have to find out!