I pointed out to the good doctor that when things get tough, the tough get going…to Subway, KFC, Mickey D’s. Not at all amused, my doctor decided to scare the calories out of me. He pointed out, with zero warmth or compassion that obesity and erectile dysfunction go hand in hand and that I was on my way to a lifetime of limpness. Being a sweet and loving physician with a tremendous bedside manner he went on to explain that several of his patients who weren’t much fatter than me had trouble getting and maintaining an erection even with the help of the popular erection pills on the market. I wondered how many of his patients discussed their erections with him and made a note to myself to never ever discuss mine.

I quickly dressed and tried to get out of his office by promising him that I’d start dieting and exercising so I could live a long and healthy and reasonably erect life. But before I could make it out of his exam room he added, “And you should see what you look like naked, from behind. If I was your wife I’d pray for cataracts.” At that moment I wondered if I could have his license revoked. But he had made his point. The very next day I started eating less, exercising and having sex with my wife a bit more often. However it’s going to be quite some time until I let her see me naked … from behind.

Online Pharmacies Scare Me...

The reason? Just read an article about how the BBC did an investigation and found that some erectile dysfunction medications sold on the internet contained things like printer ink and road paint to give them their pretty color!

Terrific. You go to the internet to buy pills to help get you aroused and instead your little buddy is still soft but you’re nauseous and peeing blue like a Smurf.

There are so many medications sold online that are illegal and counterfeit that when you put them in your mouth and swallow you can’t be quite sure exactly what’s going to happen. You could get harder or bigger or stronger or vomit or pass out or bleed from your ears or end up wandering naked and crying down your street.

I guess the Russian roulette element of not knowing for sure what you’re taking could be exciting for some people. But for me, I like to know that my vitamin pill is actually filled with vitamins, my Tylenol is actually going to get rid of my headache and that any type of treatment for problems down below is prescribed by a doctor. Preferably one who has a real medical license hanging on his wall … and not one that he was able to order online!

Manny’s suspended for 50 games, but he’s released a statement blaming a sexual enhancement treatment prescribed by his doctor in Miami.

So, let’s think about this folks. The guy’s now out 8 million dollars and the Dodgers will surely be out of first place come July.  And all this could be happening because the guy maybe had some ED issues?  Wow.

If Manny’s truly is being persecuted for seeking treatment for sexual dysfunction, then I hope he’ll speak up about it publicly.

We could use a guy like Manny Ramirez.  I mean, me and Bob Dole are good guys and all, but Manny could raise awareness about erectile dysfunction for a whole different crowd.

Bottom line: If erectile dysfunction can happen to Manny Ramirez, it can happen to anyone!

I’m not a big baseball guy — the NFL and NASCAR are more my thing — but I’ve been an on-again off-again Dodgers fan since old Kirk Gibson hit that miracle home run World Series shot back in the 80s.  I guess what I’m saying is I feel really bad for Manny — especially if it turns out to be true that he was just trying to improve his sex life.

Maybe he should have tried Boston Medical Group like I did!  In fact, I think I’ll send Manny’s agent a note and give him my doctor’s number — just in case.

Hard for Duchovny to keep closed...

So I started obsessing about sex rehab. What makes someone check in and where do you even find one? Do you check in because you’re not having hardly any sex or because you’re having way too much sex? And go ahead; try telling me I’m having too much sex…that would make for an interesting intervention with the parents.

And once you’re in sex rehab, do they have sessions that deal with masturbation and phone sex and cyber sex and pornography? Do they get you aroused and then zap you with a cattle prod to teach you to keep your “shtumper” in check? Is sex rehab part of a more conventional rehab with alcohol and drug abusers or is sex rehab just purely for sex addicts?

And if that’s the case and someone falls off the wagon couldn’t that have a domino effect and lead to a full blown orgy? And how exactly did David choose the sex rehab he checked into? Do sex rehabs advertise in magazines like Playboy, Maxim, FHM, Hustler and Smooth? (Yes, there is actually a men’s magazine called Smooth.)

If you run into David Duchovny, could you please ask him what the hell sex rehab is and what they do there? I can’t because I promised I would respect his privacy.