This past August David Duchovny checked into sex rehab and asked us to please respect his privacy. I promised myself I would but then I remembered that Halle Berry’s guy Eric Benet checked himself into sex rehab and years ago actor Michael Douglas denied ever having been to one.

Hard for Duchovny to keep closed...

So I started obsessing about sex rehab. What makes someone check in and where do you even find one? Do you check in because you’re not having hardly any sex or because you’re having way too much sex? And go ahead; try telling me I’m having too much sex…that would make for an interesting intervention with the parents.

And once you’re in sex rehab, do they have sessions that deal with masturbation and phone sex and cyber sex and pornography? Do they get you aroused and then zap you with a cattle prod to teach you to keep your “shtumper” in check? Is sex rehab part of a more conventional rehab with alcohol and drug abusers or is sex rehab just purely for sex addicts?

And if that’s the case and someone falls off the wagon couldn’t that have a domino effect and lead to a full blown orgy? And how exactly did David choose the sex rehab he checked into? Do sex rehabs advertise in magazines like Playboy, Maxim, FHM, Hustler and Smooth? (Yes, there is actually a men’s magazine called Smooth.)

If you run into David Duchovny, could you please ask him what the hell sex rehab is and what they do there? I can’t because I promised I would respect his privacy.