I stopped liking Twitter yesterday at exactly 1:43 PM.

Lots of people have been complaining for a long time about how much they dislike Twitter, about how inane it is that anyone would think that what they ate for breakfast or the fact that they just cut their toenails was important and must know info for someone else.  I was not one of those people.

I found it amusing that weather boob Al Roker got flak for taking a picture of the jury he was serving on, in the jury room and posting it on his Twitter page. I was happy to find out that Martha Stewart’s neighbors down the street, the Steinhart’s just had a baby camel born at their place. Twitter informed me that Ellen DeGeneres doesn’t wear nail polish, Ryan Seacrest is planning a bachelor party for a friend and Dog Whisperer, Cesar Millan feels that,“The energy you’re projecting internally is the message you’re sending to your dog.”

When porn star and now legitimate actress Sahsa Gray exclaimed on her Twitter page, “Whoa! Too much to handle,” I was dying to know what or who she was talking about. I would mindlessly and happily check out the tweets of politicians and writers along with those of Tony Hawk, John Cleese, Sean Diddy Combs and yes, even Tony Danza. I’d check almost daily to find out how they were doing and just to make sure they were okay.

Then it happened.

At 1:43 yesterday, I somehow wandered onto the tweet of Kirstie Alley and from that moment on I will never view Twitter quite the same way. This is what I read:

“Although no one has asked, I like this new name for a vagina…A POLLY WOG..yes I tried that term out today and got good feed back…YOU?”

That was one Twitter too many for me. It conjured up images that should have been left unconjured. Why did she need to try out that term?  And who gave her positive feedback anyway? I now only view the tweets of family, friends, and my followers — staying close to home and no longer exploring to find out what, say, David Hasselhoff or Newt Gingrich are doing for fear that I will be disappointed or worse, disgusted.

Thanks for ruining Twitter for me Kirstie Alley. Thanks!

Image: Absent Without Leave Blog

You’ll never guess what weird thing turned me on today.

How Does Pat Morita Figure Into All This?

I’m not talking about an odd, fetish sort of thing …  like asking for a good hearty beating with a mackerel by someone completely wrapped in tinfoil.  No, I’m talking about something that I saw that got me aroused but shouldn’t have — or at least I never anticipated that it would.  Usually, it’s the sight of a bit more leg than usual on someone I find attractive or even mildly attractive.

Today … I got turned on by a Bonsai tree!

That’s right, one of those expensive miniature Japanese trees that are grown in containers and that dry out real easily and die.  So how did a miniature tree get me stimulated?  Here’s the only way I could figure it out. I saw this diminutive woody plant and it reminded me of “The Karate Kid”, staring Pat Morita as Mr. Miyagi. But do you remember who else was in that movie? Elisabeth Shue.  She was the cute girl next door and Ralph Macchio’s love interest.

Here’s where it gets interesting…  It takes me back to college, my freshman year and my girlfriend who happened to look just like Elisabeth Shue. We always ate at this little Japanese place in LA that was usually a precursor to nights of…  Well, I guess you know what I am getting at. So that stunted little tree on a coworker’s desk got me momentarily hot and bothered.

What turned you on today?  Leave a comment and let me know.