When it comes to dating these days, more and more younger men are going for the older women… or, in modern words: the cougars. I’m happily married myself, but back in my younger days I fancied myself a bit of a Cougar hunter. Out of this youthful pursuit was born this comprehensive list of reasons to pursue the dangerous-but-rewarding species Cougar Americanis.
10. Are They Experienced? … Is a cowgirl reversible? What’s there not to like about a woman who knows how things work? I mean this in reference to the bedroom and to life. The older ladies have earned their stripes as the wise ones. They know everything. By everything, I don’t just mean that they’re women so they [think] they know everything… I mean what I mean. Really. Think about it… they’re sharp.
9. Cougars Aren’t Too Tech Savvy … As a preliminary disclaimer, I would like to note that I do not mean this in a negative way. Why would this be on my list if this was a negative thing? Negativity is for people named Nancy who spell it with an “ie” instead of a “y.” This technological brain-malfunction is a plus for you, buddy. How many girlfriends have you had that took the liberty of going through your text messages to see if Julia from the office sent you any texts between now and the last hour she checked? If you’re with an older woman, chances are she’s not even sure how to get to the inbox on your phone, let alone how to send a text message. Alas, hoorah!
8 Patience is a Virtue … Actually, it’s a noun, but my lousy sense of humor and B-S aside, patience is a virtue. Younger girls are impatient. Seriously. They can take forever applying lip gloss, causing you to be late for a movie, but heaven forbid you need to finish-up on the pot, the whole world comes to an end. I feel as though an older woman would be far more understanding in pressing times like those. Bowel movements happen; older women get this.
7. Cougars Have a Job or a Monthly Pension … It’s not common, but it’s also not rare to let one of those “give me those, buy me that, pay for me” girls slip between the cracks and surface into your life. Now, I’m not a man of particularly high income, and I certainly never minded indulging the girl I was dating in a few little or big luxuries every now-and-then. But lets be reasonable, here. I will never put myself in the position to pay for someone’s cable bill ever again. That’s why, I’ve realized, these older women are not only patient, experienced and beautiful creatures, but they’re also independent. I like that.
6. Cougars are Cookers … Going out gets old (… no pun intended). Staying in and cooking can sometimes be just as fun (if not more fun) than dining out. The only problem is that many girls I’ve dated don’t even own a cookbook. The biggest victory in their kitchen conquest was either pancakes or instant mac and cheese. I won’t lie; I love both of those things, however, imagine a woman with a recipe book who has the ability to make things with no additives, and the experience of various Thanksgiving dinners under her belt. Now that’s what I call a seasoned veteran (…again, no pun intended).
5. Cougars Still Think Twitter Is Something Birds Do at Sundown … For the same reasons you don’t like your girlfriend going through your phone, you also don’t want her going through your computer. To a cougar, the internet is a strange and unexplored world… a world that most prefer not to venture into in this lifetime. I’m okay with that. Have you ever Googled yourself? I have. Traces of my former sleazebag-self are accessible to everybody and the general public can (if they so choose) bask in the embarrassment of what I like to refer to as my “slutting-around MySpace” days. Shameful.
4. Cougars Have Wheels … Now, I’m not saying that I’m the type of guy who’d like to have his girlfriend or wife drive him around all the time. I don’t; in fact I hate it. Girl drivers are frightening and plain bad. That’s all I can say about that. On the other hand, it’s always a plus when the older lady you’re seeing insists on driving her full-size minivan to the ballgame you’ve invited her to. Her selling-point: “I can fit everything you want to bring into the back!” What she really means is “I can fit all the crap you want to bring with you [that is completely unnecessary and embarrassing] into the back of my mom-mobile.” I don’t mind this. Once I thought minivans: lame. Now I think: minivans: luxury.
3. Cougars Know What They Like … I think most men are in agreement when it comes to how annoying it is when your girlfriend doesn’t know what she wants. She doesn’t know what she wants to eat, wear or do. I’ve lost many hours of my life going back and forth to the “where-should-we-eat, well-you-pick, no-you-pick” bicker. Cougars eliminate this problem. They’ve lived enough of life to know what they like to eat, where they like to eat, what they want to wear, and what they like to go. This is great news.
2. A Cougar Won’t Drag You to See ‘Twilight’ – If I need to explain the glory of this point further, then forget everything you’ve read thus far—you deserve to be with a younger woman.
1. Cougars Cop The Senior Citizen Discount Y’All! … I am not judgmental, and for some, the older: the better. Therefore, I felt the need to see light from the other side of the spectrum. So, seniors… they get movie ticket discounts, restaurant discounts, and other various kinds of discounts that I’m not even aware of because, well, I’m not there yet. But the fact of the matter is: everybody likes a discount. Rock on!
I don’t know your phrase, but usually it’s something you can say in front of other people, the kids or even just to each other that conveys affection and a willingness to mate without being too crude or too overt. Well, last Saturday my wife let me know that both kids would be sleeping out for the night and she suggested that maybe we could go catch a movie and then, “hang out.” I immediately assumed that by “hanging out” she was suggesting…ensuring… that we were going to be naked together at some point later that evening because “let’s hang out” was our sex phrase.
